i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
