dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
