New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize