i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
