Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize