Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
zippers are such a cool invention
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
