His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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