The maid of honor just puked.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
