I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
