Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
