last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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