After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
