Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
how does that bad decision feel?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
