we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
