I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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