i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
