This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
time to smoke my breakfast
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize