did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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