Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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