K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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