I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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