Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize