You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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