They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
