I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
