Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
