the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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