you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
