My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
