watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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