your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
