So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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