Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
