allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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