He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
