this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
