Im at strip club and am horny
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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