I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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