My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
