Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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