For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
