WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
