I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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