what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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