her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
