My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
