did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
