when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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