he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize