Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
