let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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