dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
