i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
