Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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