D3 body, D1 cock
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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