Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
