he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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