I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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