cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You pole danced in your parka.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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