I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
