I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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