no, he came in my armpit
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
