i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
