Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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