my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he just fucked me for my cheese..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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