So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
