some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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