My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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