shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
